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Hello my name is Carolyn
Dec 31, 1969


So I figured after almost three years of doing this stand-up comedy thing I should stop using soggy bar napkins to promote myself. I got in contact with Justin Little, a wonderfully talented web designer from New York City who hooked me up with this awesome site. You can tell him how great it is on his Facebook:

I hope to keep all you fans updated on my upcoming shows, videos, pictures, and I'll be posting an occasional blog here and there. Feel free to contact me with any questions, comments, or to book me for a killer show.

Welcome to!

Dec 31, 1969

Freaky Christmas

Well, Christmas is over.

But that's not to say fun wasn't had and memories weren't made. I think my favorite thing of this holiday season was taking advantage of the creepy Mrs. Claus doll we found. Check out the horror!

I'll probably get coal in my stocking next year for that one. Or a restraining order.

Dec 31, 1969

Collingswood Comedy

Collingswood Comedy Cabaret III was a success. Comedians Jack Martin, H. Foley, Tommy Papa, and Roger Weaver brought the house down. The equation to a perfect comedy show is as follows: Comedians + 1 black comedian + cheese balls. Guaranteed to satisfy all. Thank you to everyone who came out to support the Collingswood Community Theatre. I myself was and still am a community theatre child. I once played a syphilis infested peasant in Les Miserables. With your help now we can support many more peasants on the stage. Thank you!

Dec 31, 1969

Truck drivers

I was driving on the NJ Turnpike recently and noticed that truck drivers love to stare. Is that a requirement? You must master wide turns and the "I'm going to rape and kill you" look?

They will stare at you for miles until they make eye contact! You can feel their glare too, can't you? The hair on your arms pricks up. All of a sudden the sunlight disappears on one side of the car. You don't even realize it but you're high from all the exhaust fumes sneaking in.

I always try to deny it. Turn up the radio and jam out to "Single Ladies." Think, "maybe the sun just went under some clouds."

But when I look up, there's no clouds. Just Hank in his Wegman's truck staring down at my creamy thighs...also jamming to "Single Ladies."

Dec 31, 1969


Halloween for some women is a time to dress scantily. Look a little sexier than normal. Maybe wear some mesh tights.

For me, it's a time to put a hunch in my back, grab a wooden spoon, and become the one and only Julia Childs.

Dec 31, 1969

Thanks Mom

My mother loves sending me ridiculous chain e-mails. They can range from bad marriage jokes to advice for females when walking in deserted parking lots. (WARNING! Don't help the old guy with the flat tire! He WILL kidnap you!)

But I actually had to give my mom credit on this one.


I saved this one to go along with my Bird Flu e-mail of '05.

Dec 31, 1969

Atlantic City

I had to get away from all the harsh realities of life.

War! Swine Flu! Oprah's retirement!

So I decided to take a trip to Atlantic City. Not so much for the flashy lights or soul crushing money wheel. What I needed was a good stay in a hotel room. Jumping on a hotel bed cures all problems of the world. Just look how much fun I was having:


Look at the swish of my necklace!

Unfortunately, Atlantic City isn't in the best of shapes either. Things must be bad because they were really cutting back. I mean can you believe the waitresses at The Borgata had no pants!

And I thought the waitresses at Caesar's with no teeth were bad!

Dec 31, 1969

Post Thanksgiving Thoughts

So who started the idea of mass Happy Thanksgiving texts? Is Thanksgiving really deserving of such joy and happiness? I have the smallest, cheapest texting plan and I can't be wasting them on a holiday based around cornucopias.

I also loved the Thanksgiving texts I got from people who I hadn't talked to in months. Is that really how you decided to rekindle our friendship? Forget the ignored phone calls and Facebook messages. That really clever "Have a Happy Turkey Day! Gobble Gobble!" text puts a whole new perspective on things.

Even my mom got on the bandwagon. Woke up to this gem in my inbox:

"If the Pilgrims had given the Indians a donkey, we could all have a piece of ass this Thanksgiving."

Geez. That sounds more tiring than the traditional Tryptophan-induced turkey.

Dec 31, 1969

Stage to Stage

I may be funny on stage as a comedienne but wait till you see me as the spunky, ambitious Bambi in the Collingswood Excelcior Theatre Company's production of Curtains the Musical. (February 11, 12, 13, 19, & 20)


Curtains is from the creators of other popular musicals such as Cabaret and Chicago. So be prepared for a little murder, a little sexy, and a little Holocaust. Well, maybe not the Holocaust but it's still to die for!

Check out my MY SHOWS page for more information!

Dec 31, 1969


What is new with the world? More importantly with me...

The 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver were a smashing success in my eyes. We gave the Canadians a run for their money and we took gold in men's figure skating. Take that Russia!

The Olympics always inspire me. The coming together of the world, years and years of hard work and training. I started thinking about my own physical capabilities. What can I do to start disciplining myself athletically?

But then it snowed one day...and I thought...screw that. It is way too cold to become an athlete. Maaaaaybe in London.

The weather has been warming up though which is wonderful. We may even have an extra hour of daylight now that we have sprung forward! Daylight savings causes such a stir. Everyone finds the need to mention the whole hour of sleep they lost. Some even worry daylight savings is dangerous to their internal clocks! Please. I've taken naps that are more dangerous.

My naps are lethal. Ever shave your legs, take a nap, and wake up to hairy legs? I have. Power naps don't exist for me. The last time I tried to take a power nap I slept through my alarm, my Mom screaming at me, and my elementary school graduation.

What a waste of a razor blade. I would've been the smoothest 6th grade graduate on the block.

Dec 31, 1969

Whip! Zip! Bang!

To some the 4th of July is about barbecuing, drinking, and watching fireworks under the stars. But according to The Original Girl's Handy Book (Lina Beard and Adelia Belle Beard) "A Girl's Fourth of July" is about decorating the house, developing foolish lawn games, and awakening the heart of every girl in the United States! I took all this into consideration and tried my best to embrace the womanly spirit of America this holiday:

First I decorated the house with pictures of our forefathers.

Then I developed a lawn game that only those ladies skilled in agility and grace could excel.

And finally to fully reclaim my girlish independence, I ate a hamburger and held in my gas because we all know girls don't fart. Especially on the 4th of July.

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer! Don't forget to check out MY SHOWS page for upcoming performances and let me get to know you through my CONTACT page!

Dec 31, 1969

Mom's E-mail

Back in November I let you in on one of my mother's many fantastic past times: sending ridiculous chain e-mails. Well people they keep on coming and they are too good not to share. This one is for those of you from Waukesha County, which by the way is in Wisconsin.


Fake babies! Eggs! Sounds like the coolest, redneck gang ever!

I don't think these gangs are taking it far enough. Tell you what, skip the eggs altogether. How about throwing the baby at the windshield? Babies mixed with water is a recipe for disaster.

Dec 31, 1969

Summer Time


Oh mom! Nipple rings and pocket chains! You got me! Whew. You know my weakness: generic guys with their shirts off! Break me off a piece of that and then throw it down the garbage disposal. What is this an ad for the newest Bravo reality show? The Next Great Hallmark Fake-Out Card For Your Great-Aunt Sally?

Today is the first day of summer. I plan on riding my bike and then passing out in my bicycle shorts in a pool of sweat. Some summer shows to announce:

Tomorrow June 22, 8:30pm at The Whitman Diner in Turnersville, NJ
Friday, June 25, 9pm at the Comedy Cabaret in Marlton, NJ
Saturday, July 24, 9pm at the Comedy Cabaret in Marlton, NJ
Saturday, August 14 in Phoenixville, NJ Details TBA
...and to top off the summer come see me in Helium Comedy Club's Annual Philly's Phunniest Competition on Sunday, August 22 at 7pm!

Dec 31, 1969

Mom's Emails - Xmas edition!

In this Christmas edition of Mom's Emails, Mom reiterates just how dumb men are!


I find this one to be the most insulting to my dad. Especially since every year our house looks like this:


Dec 31, 1969

America's Got...Doogie!

Recently a local Philadelphia comedian was featured as a contestant on NBC's America's Got Talent. And it just so happened that he rocked! Even legend Will Ferrell commented on my friend Doogie Horner's performance:

Now before he goes getting all famous on us here is a picture of Doogie and a whole bunch of other awesome Philly comedians at a Phillies game pre-fame.


See that Doogie?! We were friends! Remember me when you are starring in the sequel to The Other Guys! But in all seriousness, congratulations Doogie! You are hilarious and have made Philadelphia comedians proud.

Dec 31, 1969

Shows and such

Some updates for you!

I have a few spring shows coming up and they are definitely worth checking out. At least try one. C'mon:

May 8: Chuckles Comedy Club (beef & ale!)
May 13: The New Candlelight Theater in Delaware (tax free shopping?)
May 15: Fundraiser at the Little Mill Restaurant
May 20: It's Just Comedy at the Mixx Bar and Restaurant

All leading up to:

The fourth installment of the Collingswood Comedy Cabaret on Friday June 4! This show will feature James Hesky, Amir Gollan, Pat House, David Terruso, and myself. It's a night of comedy to benefit the Collingswood Community Theatre and their expanding season. Beers. Laughs. Cheeseballs. Orange fingers. Can't beat it.

As for the rest of the world and these volcanoes and oil spills, enough already! The only thing keeping me going is the crazy antics that keep transpiring out of Citizens Bank Park and the Philadelphia Phillies. At least we've regressed from vomiting on 11-year old girls to simply running across the field and being tazed. Soon we might just go to a Phillies game and actually watch the game.

Dec 31, 1969

Laughs on Fairmount = success!

Laughs on Fairmount began on March 14th. It was GREAT! Look at our happy (semi-strained) faces:


The audience and comedians were great and we are excited to see LOF flourish. Don't forget it is every Monday at the Urban Saloon on Fairmount Ave, Philly, PA. Sign ups at 7:15pm, 8pm show start.

Dec 31, 1969


I'm not going to pretend I was a big Elizabeth Taylor fan. Really the only things I remember her from are those sexy black and white diamond commercials, Cleopatra and her claim to fame as Maggie Simpson's first word on The Simpsons.
This is not to say her talent and memory will be forgotten. She was a legend!

What I know Elizabeth Taylor from best is her infamous, throaty 'howl' she made to a reporter in reference to marriage. Not ever seeing one complete movie of hers or reading a biography, this clip has me to believe Elizabeth Taylor was the coolest broad in the biz. Tonight we howl for you Liz.

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Dec 31, 1969

Embracing Females

Philadelphia Weekly put out a wonderful cover story about the funny girls of Philadelphia comedy. Yay! Mary Radzinski, Kristin Schier, Amie Roe, Meg Favreau, myself and other great local talent are featured. Check out all these funny ladies and check out the article below!


Dec 31, 1969

Ladies ARE funny!

Next week I leave for Austin, Texas to perform in the Ladies Are Funny Festival (LAFF) May 5-7. I am very excited!! As much as I am thrilled to work with some fine female stand-ups, acts, and groups, I am also excited for a few other reasons:

1. AUSTIN! Apparently I am going to love it. I already found 3 taco places within walking distance of my hotel.

2. Tacos!!

3. Getting on a plane! It's been over two years since my last plane ride. I wonder if anything has changed. Do we still get seatbelts?

4. This place! Lucy in Disguise with Diamonds

5. Hot weather! I just bought a new pair of turquoise shorts from ROSS. Watch out Austin!

6. Being able to do what I love on vacation!

Check out the LAFF website for more details on performances and to buy tickets!


Dec 31, 1969

"Hey Mare, Hey Care"

Every week at Laughs on Fairmount Mary and I like to catch up with each other before we start the show. This week, Mary discovers I am not a Girl Scout.

Dec 31, 1969

What Exactly is Rhubarb?

I am always thrilled to participate in Philadelphia's famous Ministry of Secret Jokes hosted by the equally as famous Doogie Horner. I've been lucky enough to perform at this show but I've also been lucky to be part of some memorable contests/battles/nonsensical fun, that takes place each month.

This month, comedians James Hesky and Christian Alsis thought they held the title of Philly's 'Fat Comedian.' Little did they know I am the fat comedian! My title was at stake! I had to claim it! How? By eating pie!

I had never been part of a pie eating contest until MoSJ and to be honest, it wasn't until my face was nose deep in rhubarb pie that I truly believed I would ever. It turns out, pie eating contests are super fun and even more fun when you attempt jokes in between mouthfuls of delicious crust. By the way Doogie, nice touch with the Trader Joe's pie. Special thanks to Ian David for the clip. Enjoy!

Dec 31, 1969


It can only mean one thing when I see 'NEW RAPE SCAM!' in my Inbox. I have a new e-mail from Mom! She's always there to remind me I am never safe and never will be. Despite the amazing subject header I decided not to share NEW RAPE SCAM e-mail. The e-mail itself was too wordy and it was written in Comic Sans font. 'Rape' should never be written in Comic Sans and expect to be taken seriously.

Instead I bring you: Two Way Mirrors - Can you tell the difference?


I would love to meet this policewoman who travels the country with a mirror and most likely a terrible Power Point presentation. Men - share this with wives, daughters, mothers, daughter-in-laws, pretty much anyone wearing panties. What the hell? Listen, women can be just as sick as men. Who says there aren't two-way mirrors in the Men's Dressing Room? I want to send out my own version of this e-mail for all the men in my life:

Two Way Mirrors - Can you tell the difference, boys? Just conduct this simple test and place the tip of your dick against the reflective surface. If your dick DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your dick, congratulations. You just had a sword fight with yourself.

Dec 31, 1969

This sh_ _ is funny!

While my mom's e-mails are never that funny, I had to give her credit for this one because it's racy!


There is hope after-all for her sense of humor! I have to take advantage any time my mom jokes about penises before I do, although I have to admit I thought #4 was Pants. C'mon, Sex Pants? Anyone?

Dec 31, 1969

Insert nonsense comment

I've discovered the people who used to intimidate me the most in high school now have the least intimidating Facebook statuses. No matter how cool their moms were or how many cigarettes they smoked in the park, these statuses are even lamer than the Weezer lunchbox I used junior year.

Cute blonde that's not so cute anymore: Not gonna lie, pretty bummed that I just found out that Justin Timberlake proposed to Jessica Biel! :( Actually more like devastated!!!!
Oh why's that? You thought you actually had a chance with Justin Timberlake? Are you still sixteen? You went to an Nsync concert without parents, get over it. And the phrase 'Not gonna lie'? Not gonna lie, that phrase was sooo two years ago.

Had a baby and an addiction before the age of 25: its
The sad thing is I don't know if she's upset it's raining or just informing her 'boo' of the inclement weather. Either way, thank you for letting me know it's raining as I sit at work. Your life is grand.

Too cool to be emo when I was 16: Days like this I find it best to sit, listen to music, and just reflect.
Let me guess. Is it raining?

Dyed my hair too much: PITBULL concert in AC with my Zumba girls!!!!!!! Cant wait!!! WOOHOO!!! :D
Ahh yikes. A bald, Latino-type 'rapper' in a room full of girls who think doing padabures to Latin music is a job. Sounds about right. I'm going to guess the audience was also made up of court stenographers and a knife saleslady or two.

Dec 31, 1969

Joke Summer School!

This summer I was bad. I wasn't nearly as funny enough as I should have been. I had to be sent to Joke Summer School.

Dec 31, 1969

What I'm Thinking About Today


THE WEEKEND: This weekend I need to clean my car. I've been transporting a can of vegetable broth and canned beets in my trunk for close to 3 months that were meant for a canned food drive. Canned food drives are perhaps the easiest, most convenient way to donate and I failed. Poor beets. I tried to go out of my comfort zone of my usual canned favorites; baked beans, corn, Juicy Juice, but you ended up dying a slow death, slowly cooking in my trunk over the summer next to the Edible Arrangements bouquet I forgot to deliver to the nursing home.

FORKS: Need them. Over the summer my boyfriend and I have managed to lose all of our forks. This is baffling. We hardly ever have company over and we hardly ever offer them forks. Luckily we're both vegetarians and the sporks we stole from McDonalds pick up our seitan just fine.

Dec 31, 1969

This is my voice on a podcast

Podcast, podcast who's got a podcast? The answer: You, Me, Them, Everybody.
This is a great podcast hosted by DC's Brandon Wetherbee. Each podcast features local funny, talented and amusing folks, which is exactly the category I fall under. Brandon visited ole Philly recently and had some fun talking to us about death polls, Excel and what makes us do what we do.

Download 'Live at the Grape Room' on ITunes or listen to it here! Photobucket

Dec 31, 1969


I find storytelling to be much more challenging than stand-up. The laughs aren't guaranteed and in some cases the laughs don't matter. Ah! It may be scary but I do enjoy taking the time to write a story from start to finish. In storytelling I can't get away with ending a bit with 'Am I right?'
Check out this story! The theme was 'Trading Places' and was hosted by the wonderful Hillary Rea!

Dec 31, 1969

G.L.O.C. Mixer


Yesterday a few girlfriends and I armed with coffee, hashbrowns, and blueberry muffins went to NYC for the Gorgeous Ladies of Comedy Mixer! I had never been to a mixer before and didn't quite to know what to expect. Ever since the explosion of fist-bumps I had lost sight of what it takes to have a good handshake. The night before I lotioned my hands and worked on my grip with a few friends. I had to be careful. Apparently my handshake was lethal and might leave people questioning my 'Gorgeous LADY of Comedy' status. When we arrived at the mixer which took place at The Peoples Improv Theater, we were greeted by the lovely Glennis McCarthy, gorgeous lady and creator of She was wearing hot pink stockings, had her hair in a posh swoop, and if she told me she was the sixth Spice Girl, I wouldn't have questioned her for a second. The vibe was super welcoming and they even had name tags! It was official - we were mixing.
Over the course of the next five hours we watched act after act, lady after lady. There was seriously so much talent at this mixer it was overwhelming. I already followed some of these ladies on Twitter so finally getting to see them in their element was a joy. I was also excited to catch a preview of some acts that I would be seeing at the 2012 Bridgetown Comedy Festival (Eeek! So excited!). Other highlights included the adorable Cocoon Central Dance Team, Annie Lederman's 'Everyone in my life is dead' hilarity, delicious pesto grilled cheese and Bloody Mary's, stand-up open mic, and even an ever-impressive improv jam!
I couldn't believe when we stumbled out of the PIT there was still sunlight. We socialized, shmoozed, learned so much and could still enjoy a beautiful sunset! Oh the magic of ladies!