holidays

Honest Holiday Out of Office Email Templates by Carolyn Busa

Your plane tickets are bought. Your vacation days are on the calendar. Your presents are being Primed by Amazon. You may even be home already! The only thing you have left to do is the very important task of setting up your holiday out of office email!

But let’s face it. Your OOO emails are boring. They lack humanity. They lack truth. Why can’t the daily, never-ending divulge of personal information we share on social media extend into the workplace? Because it’s offensive, bias, creepy, and unprofessional? Eh. Who isn’t?!* This holiday, don’t settle for faux, out of office cheer. Give your customers/clients/colleagues the honesty they deserve and tell them what you’ll really be doing with your PTO.

— -

[Insert your greeting],

Thank you for your email. I will be checking emails intermittently as I travel for the holiday. Just kidding. I’ll be one of those people sitting on the floor of the airport with my crap everywhere pretending to look important on my computer.

Please note, I know I’m in the last group to board but will definitely stand by the gate in everyone’s way as soon as boarding begins.

Best,

[Your Name]

— -

[Insert your greeting],

Thank you for your email. I’m currently out of the office spending the next five nights uncomfortably sleeping in the bedroom I grew up in. Twin beds are the pits!

I will return on [date] after I successfully figure out how to quietly masturbate while Dad is in the next room watching Turner classics.

Best,

[Your Name]

— -

[Insert your greeting],

Thank you for your email. I’m currently out of the office celebrating the holiday at my [boyfriend/girlfriend]’s parent’s house. Please note, we’ve only been dating for a few months so this is indeed a terrible decision.

I will return on [date], single.

Best Regards,

[Your Name]

— -

[Insert your greeting],

Happy holidays!

I will be slow to respond to emails for the next week as I foolishly volunteered to make Christmas dinner. Should be fun. Especially since my sister won’t shut up about her decision to go Keto.

I will return on [date] with, I’m sure, an incredibly annoying wealth of information on the benefits of ketosis.

SMDH.

[Your Name]

— -

[Insert your greeting],

Thank you for your email. I’m currently out of the office for the holiday.

Holiday. What does that word even mean anymore? ‘A day of festivity?’ Ha! I don’t talk to any of my cousins, I hate my [insert your most hated uncle]. And let’s be honest, things haven’t been the same since [relative who was keeping the family together] passed away [#] years ago.

However, I will return on [date] with a lie about how great the holiday was.

Best Regards,

[Your Name]

— -

[Insert your greeting],

Thank you for your email. I’m currently out of the office spending my holiday volunteering. Beautiful, right?

Please be reminded, you can follow this journey on my Instagram, [@Instagram handle], where I will be posting annoying, frequent updates with the hashtags #loveislove #whatreallymatters and #holidayhearthappinesshelpinghappyhumanity.

For an immediate response, please respond telling me how selfless I am.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

— -

[Insert your greeting],

Thank you for your email. I am currently away from the office working remotely until the new year.

If you need to get in touch, please call me at my home office at [your cell number]. As a reminder, I will be half naked and have The Price is Right on mute. Just something to keep in mind.

Best,

[Your Name]

*Ellen DeGeneres. Seriously. She’s the only one.