My man and I were doing our usual post-coital chit chat—”I liked that.” “I loved that.” “How many times?” “Where’s the dog?” My man loves talking. It’s one of my favorite things about him. He has stories galore and an imagination gone wild. But what’s even greater than my man’s talent of talking is his incredible talent of listening.
He listens sooo good. Especially when it comes to me. He wants to hear why I liked that, why I loved that, why it was 2 times and not 3. He listens to my stories and my body so he can, as he puts it, “understand what she [Carolyn] needs and why she [Carolyn] needs it.”
It feels like he sees me as one of those intricate paint by numbers. But instead of diving in and coloring, he’s taking his time, collecting his paints, deciding on the best order, researching the artist, until he slowly and carefully starts filling in the empty spaces with color. He paints the picture of Carolyn with purpose.
His inherent thirst for knowledge of me and my body are impressive. But that ‘thirst’ was there before me. He told me during our post-coital chat that he credits something he read in a book years ago to one of his ‘sexniques’ in the bedroom. Now I know nothing about Tim Ferriss and his 4-hour body and what knowledge he bestowed upon my man. A quick Google search revealed Tim’s got a thing for Brazil nuts but when I peeped in my man’s cabinets he only had baking pecans, so who knows. But I am impressed that he found a piece of knowledge that works for him after all these years.
As I find myself in my own sort of life-rut, I’m in admiration of how much patience my man has given himself over the years towards carving out space for his happiness. I’m the opposite of patience. When I’m unhappy I want a quick fix. Some amazing piece of advice or article or 8-10 minute YouTube video to explain away my unhappiness and tell me how to fix it. If I can watch a video on how to give the perfect blow job, can’t I watch one on how I shouldn’t compare myself to others? But even the best videos on how to simplify life and strive for happiness, not success, end with some plea to purchase. So what is it? Detox or add to cart?
My man has showed me what it means to listen and learn. I’ve never been with someone who is this interested in doing that for me. It’s great but I also catch myself relying on his research to understand what I need and why I need it. “That’s not fair, Carolyn!” I know. It’s not his painting and it’s definitely not his to finish. Time to dig up my own paints.