On Easter Eve I got a message from one of my Polish relatives over in Poland. I translated it:
On the occasion of Easter, I wish you many smiles at the Easter table. Many friends, a lot in the wallet, wet Dyngus and joyful time.
I was drunk so I assumed I misread this whole ‘Dyngus’ thing or maybe I spelled something wrong in Google Translate. I entered it again. Nope. Wet. Dyngus.
I only met this woman once but I’m pretty certain that when we chatted at her family’s village house in Poland over carrot slaw and cheese, I was very careful with my words. Besides I only know about a half dozen words in Polish, none of which are variations of ‘wet’ or ‘dyngus’ (although I do know ‘majtki’ is underwear). I wondered if since meeting her maybe she read some of my more ‘explicit’ work or watched some of my comedy and this was some sort of weird attempt at bonding with me.
I turned back to Google for help.
Now even though I had always known I was Polish, I can’t say with confidence that I always felt it. But when I typed ‘Wet Dyngus’ into Google (Incognito mode turned on just in case) and read the results, every Polish cell in my body turned on.
Dyngus Day is a Polish Holiday celebrated on the Monday after Easter and how I went all these sexually peaking years without knowing anything about this special Polish tradition is baffling. Why? Because Dyngus Day is a whole day dedicated to getting women WET. So much so that it’s also referred to as Wet Monday.
The purpose of Dyngus Day is to celebrate the end of Lent and while there are the usual parades and parties, there’s also the questionably fun tradition of single boys splashing water on single girls. Yep, boys chase girls around with squirt guns, buckets, or other containers as an ‘expression of interest’ and if that isn’t enough for you, sometimes the boys even spank the girls with [beat drop] pussy willows.
Dang, Dyngus!
This tradition is said to have evolved from the baptism of Prince Mieszko I on Easter Monday in 966 A.D. So add that to the list of weird things the church eventually brings out in people. Similar to religion, I can’t say I approve of the aggressive, male-dominated hetero makeup of Wet Monday. Even though I should point out that while in the past women got their revenge on the Tuesday after, it has become increasingly popular for them to get their revenge on the actual Dyngus Day. Thank goodness.
But as much as the whole boys chasing girls thing is outdated, I gotta admit, I’m obsessed with this holiday. Even though Dyngus Day is one of the horniest things I ever read about, to the Polish people it’s just a silly way to make each other smile and laugh and feel connected to their history. A talent they proved to me last November when I visited them and was warmed with smiles, laughter and charming family stories, despite being a complete stranger. Since waking up today, I’ve received multiple water gifs from my Polish relatives that have put a giant smile on my face. Even better, they were both from women! The times they are a changin’!
I’m sure we all have a lot of people we’d love to be ‘splashing’ with today, to be laughing with today, to be smiling with today. I know I do. But since we all remain safely separate, I think I’ll shoot them a text instead and start sharpening my skills for next year’s Dyngus Day. Next year’s consensual Dyngus Day where (fingers crossed) I get spanked by something a little harder than a pussy willow, proszę.