A few months back when I was living at home with my parents, I gave my mom the ultimate Mother’s Day gift. I interviewed her about the experience of giving birth to me. Who needs a restaurant gift card when you have memories of Carolyn bursting through your vaginal canal to share?
While to some my gift may have seemed ‘lazy’ or ‘cheap’, let me be the first to tell you that, yes. Yes it was. But with it being the middle of a pandemic and my Dad having already agreed to make a nice dinner of risotto and asparagus, it was the best I could do.
The idea came from an email I received from one of my favorite sites, Allbodies. In it they suggested, if possible, interviewing the person who gave birth to you and even provided starting questions for having a conversation about that glorious day. Since I also had the added benefit of having my dad on standby for those random, additional details he’s so greatly known for, I decided to go for it.
CAROLYN: Was October 29th my due date?
MOM: Oh my god, Carolyn. I don’t know if it was before your due date. Or after your due date.
DAD: It was close enough.
CAROLYN: Do you remember what time I was born?
DAD: I don’t know. Your sister was 10:06 in the morning.
MOM: You don’t remember these things 34 years later.
CAROLYN: I remember dad changing my diaper!
DAD: I don’t think so.
CAROLYN: I remember two instances.
MOM: My god.
CAROLYN: I need more wine.
MOM: Me too.
CAROLYN: Did you have an epidural?
MOM: Yes, Oh my god. Are you kidding me, I wouldn’t have survived without it.
CAROLYN: Were you in a room by yourself?
DAD: It was a private room and private delivery.
MOM: A lot of people were there for the delivery. They were all watching, it was like a sideshow.
CAROLYN: Sideshow, got it.
DAD: This was before medicine became a corporation, Carolyn.
CAROLYN: What did it feel like to hold me for the first time?
MOM: Oh, it was wonderful, it was euphoric.
CAROLYN: Mom, I’m being serious.
MOM: I’m being serious too!
CAROLYN: I thought you were being sarcastic.
MOM: No, it's a wonderful feeling. To know that you and your husband produced that, it’s a beautiful feeling.
DAD: [to my dog] What’s up doggy?
CAROLYN: Did you breastfeed?
MOM: No, I didn’t breastfeed. It just wasn’t my bag. Or my boob. [laughter]
CAROLYN: Someone else’s boob then?
MOM: No! You ate like a pig though. I can remember after you were born, they came with the formula in the bottle to give you. So I gave it to you and the nurse came back and she looked at the bottle and said, “I didn't expect you to give her that much!”
CAROLYN: I was just saying how I’m such a fast eater!
MOM: Well, there you go.
CAROLYN: Going back in time, what advice would you give yourself?
MOM: I don’t know. I guess, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”.
CAROLYN: Oh come on, you can’t quote dumb cliche books.
MOM: Well it’s the truth through.
CAROLYN: Why? What ‘small stuff’ were you sweating?
MOM: I don’t know, you just wanna make sure you do everything right and according to protocol…
CAROLYN: Well, what books did you read?
MOM: I didn’t read another book then.
CAROLYN: But did you with [my sister]?
MOM: Yeah.
CAROLYN: Which book?
MOM: I don’t know. One of those ‘everything-you-always-wanted-to-know-about-having-a-baby’ books.
DAD: Doctor Spock was out of style by then, Carolyn.
CAROLYN: What’s that mean?
DAD: Dr. Benjamin Spock of the 1940’s, 50s, and 60s was the absolute authority of childbirth.
MOM: I probably read that for [my sister] then I bet.
DAD: No. By 1980 he was out style.
CAROLYN: ‘Dr. Spock out of style.’ Got it. Okay, did you climax while giving birth?
MOM: No!
CAROLYN: Some people do!
MOM: Oh my god.
CAROLYN: What did transitioning into parenthood teach you?
MOM: Oh god, after I’ve had wine. Uh, don’t leave anything lying around that’s too little that kids are gonna put in their mouth?
CAROLYN: Oh my god, Mom, something real.
MOM: Okay. It taught me that you’re gonna have a lot less time for yourself but you don’t mind it cause you love the kids so much and you’d do anything for your kids. You put your kids ahead of yourself. Instead of you first, it’s them first.
DAD: Except when you puke in the car.
CAROLYN: Is there anything about how I was born or how I was as a newborn that is representative of what you see in me today? Like was I funny? [snorts]
DAD: You just laid around and made funny noises.
MOM: You liked being with other kids and playing with them. You wanted to play with everybody.
CAROLYN: Okay, now tell me about the poop.
[I had recently been made aware that I pooped as I was being born and obviously needed to know more]
MOM: The nurse came back and said you had meconium staining. That you had a bowel movement while you were inside me and still in labor.
CAROLYN: Did you make any poop jokes?
MOM: What?
CAROLYN: Like after I was born, were you like ‘Haha, poop.’
MOM: No! It could’ve been very serious. You could’ve choked on it.
CAROLYN: [Laughs]
MOM: [Takes a bite of the dessert crepe my sister sent to the house earlier cause she’s a very good daughter] Steve, you want some of this? It’s really good. Nutella, strawberries, oh god.
DAD: The day before you came home from the hospital they hosted a dinner for all the mothers in the hospital.
CAROLYN: That seems like something they don’t do anymore, huh?
DAD: This was before medicine was a corporation!
MOM: They didn’t give us wheelchairs. We were all so exhausted by the time we got there.
CAROLYN: That’s still nice though.
DAD: Yes, it was a very good meal. I believe it was filet mignon.
CAROLYN: Where did the name Carolyn come from?
MOM: We just liked the name. I tried to find a name that would flow well with Busa. I wanted 3-syllables.
CAROLYN: Any final words about this ‘shitty’ birth?
MOM: Nowadays I think they encourage you to have the baby stay with you in the room but then it was they took them back to the nursery.
CAROLYN: Overnight?
MOM: Yeah.
CAROLYN: No wonder why I couldn’t sleep for years.
MOM: You couldn't sleep in the crib. You didn't want to be by yourself when you went to bed. You always liked having people around. I would sit in the chair in the tv room and you would fall asleep in my arms and it was a wonderful feeling having you fall asleep there.
CAROLYN: Did you want to do that tonight?
MOM: No. But it really was a nice feeling.
Thanks, Mom. Happy birth day.