My dearest, darling sex life,
Oh, how I long for you!
I’m sick to my stomach about leaving you behind in the city while I quarantine at my parent’s house. When this pandemic was thrust upon us (Ugh! Thrust!), everything was spinning! No one knew what was happening! I packed my bags and escaped to the suburbs in such a panicked rush that I foolishly forgot to let you out one last time. Now I’ve been here without you for three months and I am full of regret.
Particularly at this time, without me, you may be asking yourself, “Why are we not spending day after day, night after night together? You wear pajamas daily and are horny from sunrise to sunset!” And I just want to assure you, not a minute goes by that you aren’t on my mind.
Summer is near and the days are long, darling. Every night, just like I’m doing right now, I watch the sunset alone with you in my thoughts. The cool breeze tingles like my feet used to before climax. The sliver of the moon smiles the same smile you have brought to my face. Remember when we first met, dear? Oh, how you brought me such a fright! I didn’t even know it was in me! I contemplated our relationship for years wondering what the big deal was about you. But you eventually showed me your true self. Reminded me you were more than just a charlie horse in my calf.
You haunt me.
I swear I see you in the clouds. Is that you, sweet pea? I close my eyes and see the many versions of you I have learned to love. The quick, the long, the quiet, the loud, the bathroom in the bar, the threesomes. How innocent we were doing it in public or with multiple people! Will the virus change all that, darling?
I am horny, my love!
These are hard times, darling. But we must remain in good health. We must find ways to stay sane and happy while we’re separated. I have been finding pleasure in my own two hands. Can you believe it, love? These ten, simple, fingers bringing me to climax! I think I can hear you laughing!
I’ve become very close with my imagination in our weeks apart. Last night I imagined the ceiling fan was spitting into my mouth! Silly me. These outlandish thoughts are kind but they do not bring me the complete joy that you do. You penetrate me, split me, drill me, make me crawl. You are magnificent and I love you more than seems humanly possible. You will never be replaced. When the stars finally align for our timely reunion, I will give myself fully and completely to you.
The sun has just about set. I must leave you for tonight, dearest. Whenever you read this, please imagine me melting and moaning and begging for pizza after. Let’s hope it won’t be much longer before we can order a large with extra cheese again.
I’ll be dreaming of you. That is a promise. Dream of me?
Yours wholly and truly,
Carolyn
P.S. Honey, I could use some cigarettes if you got any.